I’ve been receiving a lot of complaints about the content on my site. Apparently I’m not family-oriented enough. Lucky for me, I had a rich and fulfilling childhood. So, without further adieu, I present to you my favorite bedtime story: The Ballad of Greg Nickbill.

‘Twas a cold winters day,encore_200903301
Quite dreary and boring,
and little did I know,
That my friend was out whoring.

My phone started ringing
and I jumped from my chair,
But it was only Greg Nickbill,
and little did I care.

“Your e-mail!” he demanded,
“Is your inbox stocked?”
“Why, yes” I retorted,
and then I was shocked.

I opened the email,
and what I saw there,
Was Gregory Nickbill,
All naked and bare.

“What the FUCK!?” I proclaimed,
“You’re sick in the head!”
“It’s not my fault!” he refuted,
“‘Twas a virus, instead.”

“But still,” I reasoned,
“I am entirely appalled,”
“For these actions aren’t normal,”
“and your cock is quite small.”

“Great Scott!” he exclaimed,
“Who all has received this?”
“Melissa and Johnny,”
“And your co-worker, Chris.”

“That’s not bad, I suppose,”
“If it was sent to no other.”
“Oh shit!” I cried out,
“It was sent to your mother!”

So he hung up the phone,
All worried and pale,
But little did he know,
‘Tis not the end of this tale.

The virus rampaged onward,
To which there is no end,
To embarrass that slut,
In front of all of his friends.

For three weeks have gone by,
and I’ve received emails galore,
Of pictures of Greg Nickbill,
because he’s a dirty, mangy whore.

- Lawtonic out